15 Changes I've Noticed in the First 30 Days

Today is it. My one month anniversary of changing my eating habits. It's been a productive and interesting month. I've been keeping track of my observations, and I'm here to tell you what I've seen.

1. Weight Loss

The first one is pretty obvious, and it's probably what you've been measuring the most. On October 29th, I weighed 193 pounds. I'm down to 181 as of this morning. At my heaviest, I weighed 200 pounds. So, I'm definitely happy with the direction I'm going here. My weight loss is slowing considerably, but if you've been keeping track of what it means when the scale slows down, you'll know I saw this coming. I'm not fussed. Stay the course!

2. Food Conservation

You heard me right. Hey, with the time I put into my meals, not to mention having to create new recipes with exotic ingredients I've never used before and spent some $$ on, I don't throw anything away! Left overs get eaten or shared and nothing goes in the garbage!

3. Quiet Mind

Someone mentioned in Hungry for Change that the "fog will lift." I'd say that's accurate, but for me it was something more. There was this sense of peace. There was an emptiness of mind. The anxiety declined and there was still space in my head. I'd drive in my car and think of nothing. It was glorious and the first real change I noticed and celebrated, even above the weight loss.

4. Reduction of Food Intake

I remember the first time I used the air fryer (this is mine - love it). I was wildly excited to be able to combat one of my biggest cravings (french fries) with a healthier alternative. I put a small potato in (again, no sense in wasting food if I did it wrong). When I had my home made fries in front of me I couldn't finish them! And I hadn't just eaten or anything. The truth is, I get fuller a lot faster and am hungry a lot less. Like, so stuffed I can't eat another bite. Remember those personal pan pizzas that Pizza Hut used to do in the 80s for reading books? Well, My pizzas are about that size, and I can only eat half of it. I have my theories about this (research-based of course), but I'll address those a different time.

5. "What's eating me" comes flooding in.

Back to Hungry for Change, and Kris Carr reminding us that it's not just what we're eating. It's also what's eating us. Once I stopped "eating my feelings," there was nothing to mask my problems in life. So, I had no buffer against the things that were eating me! This is where the safety plan comes in. Buddy, you're going to need it once you fall off the Pink Cloud, so consult it and your therapist.

6. Aches and pains

I used to hurt every morning. Every morning. Hot shower required just to get moving. Even with the serious seasonal changes we've been suffering, those are gone 90% of my days. That's a big deal for someone living with chronic pain since 2003.

7. BMs

Yep. We have to talk about poop. Sorry, but excrement is a big indicator of how your body is handling things. Not only do I seem to pee constantly now (not retaining near as much water), but I'm, um, going regularly. Like daily. Sometimes more than that. And, well, my poop don't stink. And while that's awesome, it's also a little weird? So, enough about poop.

8. Alcohol consumption

This has gone way down mainly because my tolerance has disappeared. I mean gone. I mean one 5oz serving of wine will get my loopy, not an American serving. So I'm consuming less alcohol too. Much less.

9. Overnight sleep patterns

This was obvious fairly quickly too, but I'm sleeping hard at night now and able to return to sleep without as much of a struggle. This is a big deal for someone that was dealing with regular insomnia.

10. No naps

I have taken 2 naps in the last 30 days. Prior to the last month, I would feel like I wasn't going to be able to get through my day if I didn't have a rest. I was taking them with my toddler. Now I'm just getting more done. That's a welcome change. I was starting to feel like an old woman, and I'm way too young for that.

11. Reduced caffeine 

I already wasn't much of a soda drinker. Still not. But coffee, at least one a day, was a regular for me. Now I don't drink it every day, and usually less than half a cup. It probably helps that I haven't been visiting Starbucks at all, and I drink other warm drinks like chai tea now.

12. Sexual urges

Can you say "horny teenager?" My husband pumps his fist in the air and says "whoo hoo!" But yeah, it's like my sexual impulses were buried under a layer of fat. Now that I'm dissolving it, I'm time traveling back to 1998. It probably helps a lot that my confidence is skyrocketing as well.

13. Improved mood

I do seem to have increased patience for things. That probably comes a lot from the empty mind syndrome. However, please don't let that confuse you, I'm definitely also suffering from....

14. Mood swings

Almost doesn't make sense, right? Let me just clarify. There are a lot more upswings than down. And my mood swings are usually out of lifestyle frustration (Thanksgiving was rough). When I'm not mentally throwing a fit about the human-food lifestyle, I'm fairly pleasant.

 15. No more migraines

I was a regular migraine sufferer. Not headaches. Like, lights off, no one touch me, tears squeezing out my eyes migraines. Particularly during season changes. I haven't had one since changing my diet. That's a BIG FREAKING DEAL.

So there are some interesting changes going on here. My weight loss has slowed a lot, but I'm feeling good and stable at the moment. I did have a strange relapse dream last night. I'll have to cover the regularity of relapse dreams that are in addiction recovery, because that's a real thing. Maybe in my next post.

If you're at your one month mark, post a comment and let me know how it's going!

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

When the scale won't move (or goes in the wrong direction).

We've all been there. We're being really freaking good, but the scale is stubbornly stuck at a particular number. I mean, just stuck. This once upset me to such a level that my husband ran upstairs, grabbed my scale and threw it in the trash bin outside. What a good hubby.

There are going to be times where the scale stubbornly stays somewhere or even goes backwards! It's fair to say that if you've been logging your weight, a bad day can have a serious impact on your emotional health. I know that the scale refusing to comply with my mental demands is a big trigger of mine. It's hard work sticking to a diet different than the rest of society! There's planning, craving avoidance, and everyone (everyone) uses food as a social event. An event that I'm now an awkward third wheel of! The very least that I can get for that effort is a little cooperation from my scale. 

Now, honestly, a lot of people will say, "it's not just about weight loss, you know?" And they are absolutely right. However, I hate when they say that. The reason is simple. How else am I supposed to measure my success??? I guess I could get my blood analyzed weekly (too expensive), get a poop kit (too gross), or just blindly plunge forward without a measuring stick. However, I've never been very good at that. I need a way to measure progress. Even small steps, like 0.2 pounds coming off over night. That's validation that I feel I need. 

So what do I do when the scale tells me I went from 183.4 to 184.8 overnight? I've come up with some simple helping steps.

Re-measure (a couple times).

I've legitimately had days when the scale was just wrong, so I measured a few times. It happens. While this is rare, it's just evil for you to go away from the scale feeling down when it was just some digital scale error. 

Look at your progress.

I've found it very helpful to actually pull up my weight tracking (I do mine on MyFitnessPal) and see how much I weighed a week ago or two weeks ago. Last week I was 2 pounds heavier on this same day. Two weeks ago, I was five pounds heavier. And this isn't the first reverse dip I've had, and I'm still coming out on top. This is a great video about looking at the big picture.

Stay away from the scale for a while.

At one point, I was so upset about my backslide that I left the scale for an entire week. When I stepped back on it, I was 4 pounds lighter! Sometimes we just have to leave our measurement tools if we're using them too seriously. 

Go to one of your coping skills.

You have a safety plan full of reminders about your helpful activities for times like these, so use them. Go for your walk or read your book. Go shopping, get away from that menace on your bathroom floor. He's in time out for a while, and this day is about you, not him :) Which leads me to...

Re-evaluate your safety plan.

This experience may lead you to understanding that you have a new trigger or need a new coping skill. Instead of losing the war over a single battle (with an inanimate object), re-evaluate where you need to tighten up your defenses.  

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

The need to fill time.

I'm a doer. I was raised in a family where down time was a rare commodity. If I wasn't doing something productive, it was frowned on.  This isn't to say that we wouldn't do things that were simply for fun. However, my life was often just go, go, go.  There were very few dull spots in my life.  Even our family entertainment activities were often very fast and focused. When I switched professions to mental health, the idea of self care was a tremendous transition for me. Self care? What the heck is that?

In mental health, self care is the concept of doing things just for you that make you feel balanced. I didn't know how to do things for myself without it being something with a deadline. Even if it was quilting or doing the laundry, it was about when I had to finish it and who I was doing it for.To this day, I struggle with doing something simply for the enjoyment of doing it. If I am sitting there watching a football game, I will be thinking that I should be quilting or working on a craft for somebody for Christmas with all this spare time on my hands. I cannot remember the last time I just sat and watched football just for the enjoyment of watching football.

A lot of what triggers people to eat stems from the need to constantly be doing. If you are a naturally anxious person, and you don't feel like you're being productive enough, that impulse can translate into eating. Have you ever found yourself exhausted with an activity and suddenly you're standing in the kitchen looking in the cabinet or the refrigerator, as if switching to eating will be a more productive activity that your brain can handle for that moment? Anxiety eating is a well documented problem. The act of chewing and crunching on something helps relieve the tension that we are physically experiencing by being anxious. This is well documented even in young children which is why you now see the fidget devices that you can chew on in classes. You've seen a kid chew on a pencil or a pen during class. The need to chew somehow relieves some of that anxious energy.

For a lot of us, practicing doing something just for the sake of doing it almost feels like learning how to redo a habit you already have. For instance, many people will read a book with the television on or not be able to simply watch a movie, like me, and must have something in their hands at the same time. I'm not truly engaged in either activity. I have to practice using my brain and all of its resources to focus on one activity at a time. The advantages to this are that you will be less anxious because you're not allowing your brain to multitask constantly, which can cause added stress, and you will get more pleasure from completely and totally focusing on a single task.

When I write in my blog to you guys, it is normally because I have a series of thoughts going through my head that are not allowing me to focus on the things I should be focusing on. I journal these thoughts to you guys and go back to focusing on my activity. So maybe this week, we should practice the art of focusing on our tasks throughout the day, each individual one, with less multitasking. Let us see if this helps us calm some of the anxious impulse that we carry with us throughout the day. Let us see if this also helps relieve some of the pressure to anxiously eat.

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

Where does fat go?

Seriously guys. We're losing weight, but where the heck is it going? Are we pooping it? Are we sweating it? The real answer might shock you, but it is SUPER cool.

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

Pink Cloud Syndrome

Many years back, I was reading Augusten Burroughs's "Dry," when I was introduced to the idea of the "pink cloud." I've since read about it in the Alcoholic Anonymous handbook, professionally. In alcohol/opioid recovery, the Pink Cloud is the event after change where you feel so good that you feel almost infallible. The pink cloud creates overconfidence and cockiness. You'll know you've hit it when you take your good news of your new eating habits to the street and try to get all your friends to listen to how great your new life is.

Whenever I'm doing a skills-based activity with my clients, and we talk about the difference between cockiness and confidence, it always comes down to one thing. Confidence doesn't require an audience. If you feel the need to tell everyone around you how great your life is, there's a very real possibility that there's still something you're working on, and you're only trying to convince yourself.

Now, I'm not saying that things aren't better. I'm sure they are getting better. However, the pink cloud syndrome is dangerous because it makes us feel, much like the drugs we were on, that nothing can touch us. "I have this brand new life, and everything is stellar!" You might stop monitoring your eating habits as much. You might stop using your safety plan. "I got this!" But the truth is this.

Your life is still your life.

All those things that made you eat before? They are still there.

One of my favorite quotes from Hungry for Change is "It's not just what you're eating. It's also what's eating you." I promised we would have a conversation about that. It appears the time has come.

If I go back several years ago to my first internship, I recall working with a really great trauma specialist. This trauma expert told me that there had never been a case assigned to the office for addiction that didn't have its basis in trauma. It seemed incredible to me at the time. Every single addict is drinking out of trauma?! Now, after all I have studied and seen, I get it.

My friend, the secret behind addiction is this. You aren't an addict because you're a failure and can't make good choices. You aren't an addict because you hang out with the wrong people. You aren't an addict because you just like drugs.

You're an addict because you are self-medicated.

Everything you're doing and have done comes from the need to feel happy. You are doing what you know to feel better. You've been trying to eat your way into happiness. Some people drink it. Some people shoot it. Some people snort it. Some people screw it. Guess, what? Happiness is not a tangible thing that we can put in our body. Unfortunately, the same hormones and chemicals that induce happiness in the brain can be increased by doing these very things, with some pretty horrific side effects. If we use these unhealthy coping skills enough, we physically become addicted to them instead of the natural high of life. So we create the false belief in our minds that we can do all these things to be happy. In reality, when the effects have worn off, nothing in our lives is any different. Mentally, we struggle to understand this because chemically our body has tried to convince us that we can replicate happiness in a pill, drink, shopping splurge, or chocolate cake.

Remember how I tried to convince you to find therapeutic help for this journey? AA and NA aren't treatment programs, only supports? Addiction means there is something in your life that you're trying to fix on your own, and this is how you're doing it. If you were high on life, YOUR LIFE, you wouldn't be seeking highs elsewhere. The danger of the pink cloud is that when it evaporates, you will come down. If you aren't in a program, relapse is a very real threat...



Heavy shit today, kids, but it needed to be said. Stay strong. If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

Preparing for the big change.

We have been doing a lot of gearing up over the last week. We've identified our triggers, learned about skills, made a safety plan, and worked on identifying our blacklisted foods. What else do we need to know going into "hell week?" Because, make no mistake, your dietary changes are going to wreck havoc on your life. This has many different folds.

Firstly, your physical body is going to throw a big, huge, nasty fit. I can attest to this. My diet is extremely strict, and when I cut everything, I got sick. A friend of mine and I were just comparing our withdrawal horror stories last week. I was as sick as a dog. I got a migraine that lasted 24 hours. I was throwing up. I was shaking and covered in sweat on a night that was 30 degrees. There's no other word for it. I was suffering from withdrawal. This is when I made the comment about how we know that we've had these "hung over" moments where we are sick and assume that feeling really freaking bad would keep us from going back. However, the victim of many failed diets, I know this isn't the case. Hence, the safety plan.



Now, we also have to take into consideration the impact that all of this has on your family. Many of us don't live alone. I don't expect my family to eat like me, which means I'm preparing their meals and my own. If I'm not really prepared for this, I run into trouble. I have a drawer and a shelf in the fridge that's reserved for my food. This helps in two ways. One, my family knows to ask before using some of "my" food. Two, I don't look all over the fridge for stuff I have deemed safe to eat, thereby being tempted by foods that are on my blacklist. I go directly to "my" space in the fridge. If I don't find something I want, I make a new recipe, which I've mentioned before is one of my coping skills anyway.

Another thing to prepare for is actual food. We've already addressed that most of the foods you're consuming aren't safe, so you'll have to stock up on the right kinds of food. This can be a very stressful situation. I know when I first started this, many years ago, I had to stock up on things I NEVER ate. Cauliflower? Who eats cauliflower? What is almond flower? Why are they putting sugar in peanut butter, for god's sake, and why can't I find a jar without added sugar? Most stressful shopping trip ever.

I've been collecting recipes for years and adjusting them. One day I'll get to making a separate site just for my recipes, but I would urge you all to start simple. Look up your recipes and decide which ones you can do. My first meal was simply sauted mushrooms and broccoli out of simple desperation. I was hungry, and I wasn't going to eat garbage anymore. Take into account that you need to get enough food rolling to sustain you for a while. The first week, I went to the store nearly every day. I keep my recipes in my Pinterest until I have a chance to try them. Inevitably, after I try them, they get altered and moved around, but that's okay. I have about a 50/50 success rate.

We're going to get through this together. you and I. If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

Is this Addiction or Eating Disorder?

Some of you have already been thinking this and asking me about this, so I am going to put it out there. Is this an eating disorder or an addiction? Good question, and we need to address and identify what the differences are, if any.

I agree there are many overlapping symptoms between eating disorders and addictions. I guess it's lucky for us again, then, that I happen to have my handy, dandy copy of the DSM-5 right here. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) is the reference mental health professionals use to diagnose mental health disorders.

Not all eating disorders are created equal, but they do have some common traits. These traits include significantly altered body weight and obsession with the way you look or the fear of gaining weight. If you're bulimic, you might not show the low body weight, but you will have the same obsession with body image accompanied by times of binging followed by purging your binge. I cannot diagnose you with an eating disorder via this blog, but if these questions are making you ask yourself if you actually have an eating disorder, please use this free pre-screening tool provided by the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA).

Now, many of you might remember when I asked you some pre-screening questions for addiction that ended up being from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. As you can see, there are many differences between addiction and eating disorder, namely the inability to stop eating foods that are causing significant functional impairment. Additionally, eating disorders and addictions are two different categories of mental illnesses and cannot be treated the same. Overeating, binge eating, purging, anorexia and the like are eating disorders. My contention is that it's not the key elements that drive eating disorders (distorted thinking about body, fear of weight gain/loss, disturbance of one's body view) that drive food addiction. It is my contention that people that want to stop eating and can't that DON'T meet the qualifications for eating disorder and are experiencing addiction symptoms are actually addicted to some contents of food products.
I propose that there is actually an addiction to processed foods and specific food types that more closely mirror addiction than eating disorder. My contention is also that food addiction requires its own treatment program since one cannot simply stop eating, as would be expected of a substance or alcohol abuse treatment program. This viewpoint is highly controversial because our society all around us eats these food products. If you thinking about what you're eating really hard, you can display some characteristics of eating disorder simply because you're surrounded by things that are bad for you, and you don't want to eat them. See how tricky this is? That's why I believe it's really important that you have therapeutic guidance on this journey, so please, please please, get a therapist for this journey. I looked all over Youtube to find something, anything, talking about food addiction, but I couldn't find it. I couldn't find anything that wasn't actually talking about eating disorder. I don't have eating disorder. I have food addiction. So, instead, I'm going to share a video on sugar addiction. Because this doctor actually says the words: "This addiction is NOT eating disorder." YES! Someone gets it! I have addiction, not an eating disorder.





Now, the point of us doing all this planning before we talked about this hard stuff is so that you have some tools for the struggle. Because you will struggle. What did I say last time? You will relapse. Remember why relapse is progress and adjust the plan and move on. If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to. We're in this together. Jess

What's bad for me?

If that question sounds a little trite, I understand. But, seriously, what IS bad for us? I've had people look at my own food choices and laugh, thinking I'm designed to fail. What they are really saying is, "I could never do that." And that's okay. Because they aren't doing it. I am.

I've always embraced the person-centered approach to goals, which is the understanding that we understand, internally, the things we want and need. They don't always match up, but with proper support and, sometimes, therapy, we can isolate the things in life that are actually in the way of our own well-being.

Person-centered goals work well with psycho-education, which is, basically, understanding how things work. That was the point of watching Hungry for Change. That is psycho-education about your body and how it processes food. The more you learn and apply to your own experience, the more you arm yourself for making tough decisions about what your goals are.

Now, this is an ongoing process. The more you learn, the more you know. And, sometimes, the education makes some of the specifics change. If you have a therapist, they will be setting up this thing with you called a "treatment plan." As a skills specialist, my plans always focus on what the person in front of me wants to change. This is the time for thinking about the following question: "What is my ultimate goal?" Maybe it's to lose 60 pounds. Maybe your goal is to feel healthier. Maybe your goal is to be more active. Maybe your ultimate goal actually has nothing to do with your diet, but something else, like family relations. I like to call that, as Kris Carr says, "What's eating you," but we'll address that in another post.

We wouldn't all be here if we weren't thinking food has a large, negative impact on our lives. It is important, through this process of psycho-education, to decide what we are going to eliminate or greatly reduce. Now is a good time to mention that you shouldn't make any drastic medication and dietary changes without first consulting your doctor or nutritionist. Assuming you're abiding by their plans, start thinking about the things you're eating that are creating problems. This is the thing, folks. You have to be specific. If you make flexible goals, your inner addict will pop up and take advantage at the first available opportunity.

I had my first real crash day yesterday. I was MAD. Mad that I couldn't eat out like my friends. Mad that I couldn't just have a handful of potato chips. Mad at the world. I was able to use my skills and combat that and get right back on target. However, if I defined potato chips as "well, every now and then is ok," I would have been right off of the wagon again. Set your limits and stick to it! Potato chips might be perfectly fine for you, but they are a gateway drug for me, and I cannot limit my intake of them. I might do fine on the first snack, but I know, from experience, that each subsequent snack will be larger and larger until I'm back at the whole bag on the couch, watching ER. Then I'm ordering mountains of starchy takeout covered in cheese. This is why I cannot tell you what your goals are. This is why I cannot tell you what your blacklisted foods are. You know you. You, deep down, know what you need to avoid more than anything.

My personal diet works for me. It's very strict. I'm not "vegan" because I eat eggs and honey, but I usually can't eat out at Vegan restaurants because they use gluten and sugar a lot. I don't fit into a category. Don't feel bad if you don't, because you probably won't. Most diets fail because they assume we need to fit into a category. Don't be afraid to make your own. People like to label things. They say, "Oh, so you're vegan?" They can't label me, but they like to try. You don't need a label.

It's really important to understand this concept from the beginning: It's okay to stumble. Just because you've relapsed doesn't meant the game is over. It means you might need to redefine your blacklisted foods. Maybe you need to redefine your goal. Maybe you need new coping skills. Maybe all of the above. This is a journey. I wish I could tell you that we're going to make this plan, and the first draft is going to be perfect. I wish I could say you'll never eat bad foods again. That would be lying. You will relapse. Relapse is part of defining how to be better. Don't mistake the battle for the whole war.



Until next time, my lovely readers. If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

I can't cope...

Most of you reading this blog probably aren't new to the shit-storm of changing your eating habits. It's a cycle. Do a new diet, give in to cravings, fall off diet, feel bad until we go back to the beginning again. This is what the cycle looks like without a plan. We've been working on a plan. Well, our safety plan, anyway. This safety plan makes references to positive things we do when we feel triggered. These activities are called coping skills.

Now, coping skills really aren't very complicated. Simply put, they are the activities you do when you feel bad or feel like you might give in. I'm not here to tell you what constitutes "bad" or "giving in." We'll talk about how you can define that for yourself more tomorrow. What we're here to talk about today is what makes you feel good.

These activities can be simple: taking a walk, practicing a musical instrument, changing your environment. For me, a big coping skill to battle eating the wrong food is to look up a new recipe using the right food and try it! By the time I've taken all the steps to actually make the food, I've forgotten my craving, and I have something new to eat. Another one I do is called "Replace the Fridge." I take healthy groceries and take out an equal number of not healthy items and discard of them. Eventually, my fridge will contain mostly healthy stuff (because I don't live alone).

Some of us might have noticed that our cravings and urges happen when we are out with others. There's that social aspect again. So a lot of our coping skills need to be something we can do anywhere. Some people like to do a short mindfulness meditation that they can visit the bathroom and do real quick. Some people might try a brief distraction like a video or song. My big coping skill? This blog! I feel frustrated or attacked or hungry, I write about my thoughts. Journaling is a simple and effective coping skill. And when your skills aren't working? That's where the support network comes in.

Now, your coping skills are going to change and fluctuate as we go along and you identify what works and what doesn't. The safety plan isn't something we create and never touch again. It's something we keep changing and adapting to our lives. As our life progresses, our skills will change too. That's normal.

Here's that mindfulness meditation, if you'd like to try it:



Think of this as a fun adventure to find out what turns your mood around when you're craving. It doesn't have to be a chore. After all, these activities are supposed to make you feel good, so you're actually treating yourself.

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess

United We Stand....

This isn't the first time around for most of us. Diet after diet. Binge after binge. What is the secret to stopping the cycle? That's the point of this adventure we're going on together. Unlocking that secret. I don't know it yet, but let me tell you something I do know a lot about.

When I have a case come to me , and I learn they have no one they can talk to about "anything," I immediately go on red alert. I don't care the nature of your problem: drugs, anxiety, depression, food. If you don't have supports, you are at very high risk. Our success in achieving our goals, whatever they may be, is highly impacted by whether or not we have the support network to back us up. 

Dear reader, you can't do it alone.

I can't do it alone. 

Today is all about finding out who our supports are. I know some of you are already thinking of names and faces. Let me ask you something. Are these names and faces people that you can say anything to? Because talking about addiction is different than talking about a shit day at the office. Everyone can identify with a shit day at the office, but not everyone can identify with a shit day of avoiding potato chips. Substance abuse victims have their own supports (like AA) because they know that they have to be around people that they can talk about their addiction to openly and candidly. 

If you look back at the movie, Hungry for Change, perhaps you'll remember one section where Kris Carr talks about spraying her trash with Windex so she wouldn't go trash-diving for sugar. She can talk about it now to the whole world because she's defeated that particular demon. However, who do you think she was telling that to at the time? Chances are, no one. 

Some of you might be asking, "why is it so important that we voice these things, Jess? I don't need to tell someone about private stuff like that." Reader, the secrets we hide from the world are our shame. Our shame serves us only one purpose: to remind us of how we aren't good enough and everyone else is better. In a support group that can identify with these thoughts and actions, we can see that we are not alone even in our most shameful, horrific thoughts and actions. I believe this to be one of the keys to success and why programs like AA and NA have managed some success. Therefore, one of the things we need in our Food Addiction program is supports. 

Today, I'm going to help you with a skill called "identifying supports." I've done this simple exercise many times with people in my office. I've created a couple of easy worksheets for it here. We are going to write down a list of all the people we have regular contact with. These can be friends, family, co-workers, etc. It might be a really long list for you. On the second worksheet, we need place the people in the appropriate circle. Literally everyone from the list needs to be in a circle. The people on the inner circle are people you can talk to about everything.

Now, my very best friend in the world I can talk to about anything. However, I do not feel comfortable talking to her about my thoughts and actions when it comes to my addiction because I know she would only worry to death and not be able to relate to the struggle.  Please don't panic, dear reader, if you cannot put anyone on your list into the inner circle yet. Part of this adventure is helping us develop the relationships with people that go into that inner circle. Maybe some of you have come up with names to add to your safety plan. 

I've decided to put up a chat for this blog. It is located to your right, at the top of the navigation pane.  This chat is not a substitute for therapeutic help or the suicide hotline (800-273-8255), but it is immediate access to others that are reading this blog and possibly feeling the same way you are at the moment. You do not have to use your real name.

Let's explore supports and think about who we need more of in our lives if we are going to eat in a healthy way. If you think of someone, add them to our safety plan. If not, don't worry. I'm certain, dear reader, we were meant to find each other and support each other.

We're all in this together.

Jess

Do you feel safe?

Dear, Reader. It's been an interesting couple of days for us. I know you're thinking about all of the things that compel you to eat. All of the information you've been learning about your food. Why have I been forcing you down this depressing path with my thoughts?

When someone comes to me and informs me that they feel terrible about a habit that they have, I begin to look for warning signs of safety risk. Why? The link between depression and bad habits is pretty well established. Food consumption and depression are also established. The thing is, depression and somatic (physical) symptoms are so intertwined, it's nearly impossible to tell if you're depressed because you feel like crap or if you feel like crap because you're depressed.

We've already established that we feel like crap because of what we eat. If you've got the somatic symptoms of depression like fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and unspecific body pains, there's a pretty high chance you've got self-harming thoughts too. Now, when you have self-harming thoughts, your therapist is going to ask you to make this thing called a "Safety Plan." A safety plan will outline your triggers, risk behaviors, support network, and the things you do when you start to feel at risk to counter the bad stuff.

Sound familiar?

Now, I want to be very clear. If you have self-harming or suicidal thoughts, you need to reach out to a mental health professional. This exercise does not, in any way, replace therapeutic intervention. This safety plan we are developing is solely for food addiction.

If you enter into a program for drugs or alcohol, you create a similar plan. This plan outlines what your danger zones are and what actions you take when you think you might drink again. We are going to create a plan like this one for food.

I've created a Food Addiction Safety Plan for you to fill out. Don't panic if you don't know all the answers yet. After all, we still need to talk about support networks and what those look like. However, this plan will help you to see the things that are triggering you and get you thinking about what kinds of thoughts and behaviors follow the impulse to eat. Additionally, you can start to think about the kinds of things are you can do to not compulsively give in. These are positive coping skills that prevent relapse. We are going to learn these coping skills together.

Believe it or not unhealthy eating is a coping skill. Your body is literally starving on a cellular level. You are over-eating because you aren't nourished. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? You are packing on the calories, and you are starving yourself at the same time. Eating is the coping skill your brain is giving you to try to solve the problem of not having enough nutrients. Makes sense. But your brain isn't taking into account your addiction to chemicals in the wrong kinds of food.

We aren't going to spend to much time today worrying what those chemicals are. We will attack the psycho-education about our food later. Right now, let's focus on the safety plan. Tomorrow we talk about supports and how to use them.

If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255).

We're in this together.

Jess