Why can't I stop eating?

How many times have you asked yourself this question? I know I've asked it again. And again. This line of thinking led me to thoughts of degradation. Self-harm. Anger pointed inwards, and anger pointed at people who were successful in doing everything I couldn't. WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING? It becomes an anthem I punish myself with.

The thing is, I didn't really understand that I was asking myself the wrong question. I should have been asking, "Why am I addicted to my food?" Because I am. I know I am. Because every time I stopped eating what I wanted to eat, I go back. Even after I feel better. I am fighting a mental and physical battle that has spiritual consequences as well. I feel like I am the worst kind of being just because I can't stop putting certain types of food in my mouth. Why couldn't broccoli taste like mozzarella sticks? Why can't carrots taste more like cheese? And so on.

Dear reader, we are addicted to the contents of our food.

I never understood the true meaning of this. Then, I watched a movie called "Hungry for Change." It's free on Amazon Prime. Please, make a date with yourself and watch it. After I was educated by this movie, I began to understand. I am addicted to my food. I am addicted to pizza and coffee and Reese's cups.

What constitutes an addiction? Surely, it's not that bad, you say. Aren't you being a little melodramatic, Jess? Well, fortunately for you, I am a mental health professional, and I can tell you  this addiction no one believes in exists. Do me a favor and answer the following questions.

Have you:

1. Not been able to cut down or stop your consumption of unhealthy food?
2. Not been able to stick to limits you've set for yourself on food consumption?
3. Been consistently increasing the amount of unhealthy foods you eat to feel satisfied?
4. Kept eating the same things that are bad for you despite recurrent physical or psychological problems?
5. Spend a lot of time eating or seeking food?
6. Consistently spend more time eating than doing other activities without eating?

Guess what? If you answer three or more questions with "yes," you're addicted. How do I know? Surprise! That survey is actually the pre-screening questionnaire from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

And I know now you're saying that I'm comparing apples to oranges. We have to consume food to survive, right?? It's not like we can stop eating. Therein lies the heart of our struggle, kids. Asking someone that's addicted to food to eat healthy is like asking a bourbon addict to switch to red wine. How long to you give him before he's having a shot of bourbon with his wine before bed? After meals? How long before it's a morning ritual? Before he's doing it to take the edge off? Sound familiar? It should, because that's how we're using our food.

Now if you ask an alcoholic to stop drinking cold turkey, you know the response you're going to get. I do. I've worked with a lot of alcoholics and substance abuse victims. Ask them to stop drinking? Might as well ask them to stop breathing. You and I can't stop eating. We'd die. However, we can't keep eating like we are....because we'll die. Catch 22.

So, we have to treat this food addiction thing like it needs special treatment. We have tried again and again and again and ARE POWERLESS TO STOP. Guess what?

We're addicts.

I believe that food addiction exists, even if it isn't yet scientific or public knowledge. I feel it when I eat, sleep, and go to the doctor. You and I? We are going to succeed this time. Why? Because we are going to develop a program for Food Addiction. That's right. You and I, we are going to go on this journey with the understanding that just telling ourselves to eat better DOES NOT WORK. If it did, we wouldn't be addicts. We know we are. You aren't crazy, dear reader. I'm here too. I might fumble and stumble, but I'm not giving up because everyone else needs this knowledge too. You are not alone.

First, watch Hungry for Change. Educate yourself about your food. And think about this for tomorrow, dear reader, after watching this movie.

What are your triggers?

What makes you crave? What makes you reach for the bad food? When do you find yourself running to the kitchen to scan the fridge? Seriously, do the homework, because we're going to need this list for the next post. Until then, hang in there. If you feel like you need someone to talk to right now, and you can't think of a support person, please call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. We'll talk more about support people tomorrow too.

We're in this together.

Jess