What's bad for me?

If that question sounds a little trite, I understand. But, seriously, what IS bad for us? I've had people look at my own food choices and laugh, thinking I'm designed to fail. What they are really saying is, "I could never do that." And that's okay. Because they aren't doing it. I am.

I've always embraced the person-centered approach to goals, which is the understanding that we understand, internally, the things we want and need. They don't always match up, but with proper support and, sometimes, therapy, we can isolate the things in life that are actually in the way of our own well-being.

Person-centered goals work well with psycho-education, which is, basically, understanding how things work. That was the point of watching Hungry for Change. That is psycho-education about your body and how it processes food. The more you learn and apply to your own experience, the more you arm yourself for making tough decisions about what your goals are.

Now, this is an ongoing process. The more you learn, the more you know. And, sometimes, the education makes some of the specifics change. If you have a therapist, they will be setting up this thing with you called a "treatment plan." As a skills specialist, my plans always focus on what the person in front of me wants to change. This is the time for thinking about the following question: "What is my ultimate goal?" Maybe it's to lose 60 pounds. Maybe your goal is to feel healthier. Maybe your goal is to be more active. Maybe your ultimate goal actually has nothing to do with your diet, but something else, like family relations. I like to call that, as Kris Carr says, "What's eating you," but we'll address that in another post.

We wouldn't all be here if we weren't thinking food has a large, negative impact on our lives. It is important, through this process of psycho-education, to decide what we are going to eliminate or greatly reduce. Now is a good time to mention that you shouldn't make any drastic medication and dietary changes without first consulting your doctor or nutritionist. Assuming you're abiding by their plans, start thinking about the things you're eating that are creating problems. This is the thing, folks. You have to be specific. If you make flexible goals, your inner addict will pop up and take advantage at the first available opportunity.

I had my first real crash day yesterday. I was MAD. Mad that I couldn't eat out like my friends. Mad that I couldn't just have a handful of potato chips. Mad at the world. I was able to use my skills and combat that and get right back on target. However, if I defined potato chips as "well, every now and then is ok," I would have been right off of the wagon again. Set your limits and stick to it! Potato chips might be perfectly fine for you, but they are a gateway drug for me, and I cannot limit my intake of them. I might do fine on the first snack, but I know, from experience, that each subsequent snack will be larger and larger until I'm back at the whole bag on the couch, watching ER. Then I'm ordering mountains of starchy takeout covered in cheese. This is why I cannot tell you what your goals are. This is why I cannot tell you what your blacklisted foods are. You know you. You, deep down, know what you need to avoid more than anything.

My personal diet works for me. It's very strict. I'm not "vegan" because I eat eggs and honey, but I usually can't eat out at Vegan restaurants because they use gluten and sugar a lot. I don't fit into a category. Don't feel bad if you don't, because you probably won't. Most diets fail because they assume we need to fit into a category. Don't be afraid to make your own. People like to label things. They say, "Oh, so you're vegan?" They can't label me, but they like to try. You don't need a label.

It's really important to understand this concept from the beginning: It's okay to stumble. Just because you've relapsed doesn't meant the game is over. It means you might need to redefine your blacklisted foods. Maybe you need to redefine your goal. Maybe you need new coping skills. Maybe all of the above. This is a journey. I wish I could tell you that we're going to make this plan, and the first draft is going to be perfect. I wish I could say you'll never eat bad foods again. That would be lying. You will relapse. Relapse is part of defining how to be better. Don't mistake the battle for the whole war.



Until next time, my lovely readers. If you're struggling with self harming or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). Always feel free to use our chat or 7 cups just to have someone to talk to.

We're in this together.

Jess