OMG, I'm poisoning myself!!!

That was my initial thought after I watched Hungry for Change. I went to my kitchen and looked in my cabinets and fridge and nearly had a heart attack. Everything, literally everything, was bad for me! But, seriously, when you find out that you need to drastically change your eating habits, you kind of have this panic attack that says, "What the heck am I going to eat?" And then, instantly, you're starving. We are now, suddenly, at risk.

This is addiction.

Remember our little assignment from yesterday? I hope you had a chance to watch the movie and make a list of triggers. Now, "trigger" has become a buzz-word of late. I've noticed that kids in my office will just throw the word "trigger" around like confetti. "The teacher asked me to write an essay, and I was triggered." Or, "that girl from choir looked at me in the hall with that face, and I was triggered." These are not really triggers. If you're going off of these instances, LIFE is a trigger. And it is, but in order to use our triggers to help us progress, we have to define specifics. Therefore, a trigger is going to be defined as follows:

trig·ger
/ˈtriɡər/

verb
1.
cause (an event or situation) to happen or exist.
"an allergy can be triggered by stress or overwork"

Based on this definition and our goal of eating healthy foods, a trigger is something that specifically causes, in this case, relapse. What makes you go after food? It might be some of the following:

• Extreme school stress
• Commercials on the TV for pizza
• When you fight with your boyfriend
• Long periods of idle time

These are only examples, but you see where we are going with this. This might take some thinking. As you go through your day today, take stock of when you eat. Are you eating alone? Are you genuinely hungry? What happened right before you walked into the kitchen to grab your snack? What were you thinking about? What were you reading? What was someone saying? These might be your triggers.

After we understand our triggers, we need to write them down. Then we need to write down our thoughts after we are triggered. I've created a little worksheet for this. You can download it here. So, these are some examples:

Trigger: Food ad on TV.

Thought: "I want to bite into a burger right now."

Trigger: Boyfriend and I have a fight.

Thought: "I'm so angry at him/mad at myself/so sad."

Trigger: Drive to work traffic.

Thought: "I want a Starbucks right now, do I have time to stop before work?"

Make a little journal of these things. Maybe you'll start to notice a pattern. We'll use this information later. 

Why is this important? Because addiction isn't logical. Does it feel better to eat good food? Of course it does. Does it feel good to have a hangover? Absolutely not. We've all had that morning after having one or five too many, being sicker than a dog and thinking or foolishly saying, "Never again."

Bullshit.

Because alcohol addiction doesn't care how bad you feel. The same is true of food addiction. One very sad fact is that "food addiction" hasn't really been defined as a thing yet. You won't find it in the DSM-5. Why? Because it is so very, very hard to separate that which nourishes us from that which poisons us. We don't have to make excuses, though. We know what we eat makes us feel like total trash. We are just powerless to fight it.We're not eating our food, our food is eating us.

Something else to take into consideration is that food is like alcohol in that it is a social engagement. Food used to be about survival. Now it's the number one way to socialize. We go out for dinner. We meet for coffee. We use food to accompany nearly everything. Some of your triggers might be social patterns. 

The purpose of this exercise is to compile the information we need to reduce the risk of relapse after we have started eating well. If we just jump into another diet, what's to keep us from dropping it again? How does a recovering addict prevent relapse? He has support, and he has a plan. We are going to create both a plan and a support network before we change our eating habits. That way, after we implement change, we are more likely to succeed. On that note, I will see you all tomorrow. 

As always, if you're struggling with self harming thoughts, please reach out to the Suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255). 

We're in this together.

Jess

Why can't I stop eating?

How many times have you asked yourself this question? I know I've asked it again. And again. This line of thinking led me to thoughts of degradation. Self-harm. Anger pointed inwards, and anger pointed at people who were successful in doing everything I couldn't. WHY CAN'T I STOP EATING? It becomes an anthem I punish myself with.

The thing is, I didn't really understand that I was asking myself the wrong question. I should have been asking, "Why am I addicted to my food?" Because I am. I know I am. Because every time I stopped eating what I wanted to eat, I go back. Even after I feel better. I am fighting a mental and physical battle that has spiritual consequences as well. I feel like I am the worst kind of being just because I can't stop putting certain types of food in my mouth. Why couldn't broccoli taste like mozzarella sticks? Why can't carrots taste more like cheese? And so on.

Dear reader, we are addicted to the contents of our food.

I never understood the true meaning of this. Then, I watched a movie called "Hungry for Change." It's free on Amazon Prime. Please, make a date with yourself and watch it. After I was educated by this movie, I began to understand. I am addicted to my food. I am addicted to pizza and coffee and Reese's cups.

What constitutes an addiction? Surely, it's not that bad, you say. Aren't you being a little melodramatic, Jess? Well, fortunately for you, I am a mental health professional, and I can tell you  this addiction no one believes in exists. Do me a favor and answer the following questions.

Have you:

1. Not been able to cut down or stop your consumption of unhealthy food?
2. Not been able to stick to limits you've set for yourself on food consumption?
3. Been consistently increasing the amount of unhealthy foods you eat to feel satisfied?
4. Kept eating the same things that are bad for you despite recurrent physical or psychological problems?
5. Spend a lot of time eating or seeking food?
6. Consistently spend more time eating than doing other activities without eating?

Guess what? If you answer three or more questions with "yes," you're addicted. How do I know? Surprise! That survey is actually the pre-screening questionnaire from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

And I know now you're saying that I'm comparing apples to oranges. We have to consume food to survive, right?? It's not like we can stop eating. Therein lies the heart of our struggle, kids. Asking someone that's addicted to food to eat healthy is like asking a bourbon addict to switch to red wine. How long to you give him before he's having a shot of bourbon with his wine before bed? After meals? How long before it's a morning ritual? Before he's doing it to take the edge off? Sound familiar? It should, because that's how we're using our food.

Now if you ask an alcoholic to stop drinking cold turkey, you know the response you're going to get. I do. I've worked with a lot of alcoholics and substance abuse victims. Ask them to stop drinking? Might as well ask them to stop breathing. You and I can't stop eating. We'd die. However, we can't keep eating like we are....because we'll die. Catch 22.

So, we have to treat this food addiction thing like it needs special treatment. We have tried again and again and again and ARE POWERLESS TO STOP. Guess what?

We're addicts.

I believe that food addiction exists, even if it isn't yet scientific or public knowledge. I feel it when I eat, sleep, and go to the doctor. You and I? We are going to succeed this time. Why? Because we are going to develop a program for Food Addiction. That's right. You and I, we are going to go on this journey with the understanding that just telling ourselves to eat better DOES NOT WORK. If it did, we wouldn't be addicts. We know we are. You aren't crazy, dear reader. I'm here too. I might fumble and stumble, but I'm not giving up because everyone else needs this knowledge too. You are not alone.

First, watch Hungry for Change. Educate yourself about your food. And think about this for tomorrow, dear reader, after watching this movie.

What are your triggers?

What makes you crave? What makes you reach for the bad food? When do you find yourself running to the kitchen to scan the fridge? Seriously, do the homework, because we're going to need this list for the next post. Until then, hang in there. If you feel like you need someone to talk to right now, and you can't think of a support person, please call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. We'll talk more about support people tomorrow too.

We're in this together.

Jess